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I thought that this story might be a good starting point. It’s short about 750 words; a flash fiction piece that was supposed to imitate a published author’s style. I received a good grade, but I’d be interested in hearing opinions of those outside of the school structure. Constructive criticism please! Hope to hear from you soon! Thanks! 

One evening, late in the fall, the group carried him up to the mountain summit near Seattle. As he lie next to the campsite near the cliff edge, he could look down onto the city nightlife. Pillows rolled by in the sky. As the clan healers tended to his wounds, he and the three vampires talked. After a while his wounds healed and the creatures of the night announced their presence. The clan packed up camp and went back down. He, the two women and the male vampire stayed behind, listening as the clan made it home. The four of them sat and looked at the stars; their bodies felt soft and warm against his flesh in the cold air.

He lived with the clan for three months. The clan was happy to have him. When he was initiated, the three vampires taught him their language and laughed with him as his tongue tangled. During the ceremony, he gnawed on dried bark to keep his jaw loose so as to not embarrass the three vampires. He offered his own living energy so that the three vampires would not have to go out hunting at night. The clan was very tight-knit and everyone knew. They all approved of the four of them and their connection. As he and one of the trio talked the night away in the hutch, they smiled at the sounds of the other two making love in the background across from them.

As the third month came to a close and his time with the clan was coming to an end, he and the trio went to the annual clan meeting. It was happy and boisterous; there were people dancing and laughing. They wanted to quench the aching lust growing between them, but there was not enough time for the bonding ritual and they had not sat down to discuss the issue. He and the trio felt though they were a solid unit, they wanted the world to know it and the bond they had, they wanted to nurture it.

Each of the trio left him gifts or trinkets from the clan during the night that he didn’t get until the next morning. For fifteen days he worked and built a showcase for the various gifts, sorting them all by type and standing back to admire them all. They were all about the rituals of the clan, how much the trio loved him, how difficult it was without him and how much they missed their all night chats.

After a while he visited the clan site and the trio agreed he should save up enough money so that they could live with him. The trio would not come home with him until he had built a space sufficient enough for the trio’s daily rituals. The trio emphasized that he should go out, live his life, see his friends, pursue his goals. He should not become a hermit. On the walk down from the mountain to the city, he and the trio argued about why they couldn’t accept the space he lived in currently and how he didn’t want other clan ritualists in his home. When they reached the city highway border, they were still arguing, but they kissed goodbye anyway. He felt ashamed for leaving on such a sour note.

He got a new job in the city and saved up money during the winter months. The clan was threatened by city gentrification and had to move to the other side of the mountain. The trio was lonely there, but soon found a cabin with another trio living in it. In coziness and warmth of the trio’s cabin, the vampire trio found comfort and soon new loves. They had never known a human group like theirs. During the spring they came and told him that they could not live with him. They were remorseful, and expected that he would not understand, but hoped he would forgive them someday. The trio wanted him to be happy that they were happy and moving in with the human trio in the summer. The bond they had with him would always be there, but the trio realized that their two cultures could not reconcile. They wish him the best in his life goals and hoped he could find a new trio to be with.

The vampire trio never moved in with the human trio and they never found out whether he started any new relationships. A few months after, he was bitten by a werewolf while hiking in the woods on the mountain. 

By Brandon Bunche (c) 2013

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